


hello, i love you won’t you tell me your name

by wqlfstar



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fake Dating, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Multi, so much gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 16:33:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17308022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wqlfstar/pseuds/wqlfstar
Summary: Bucky Barnes needs a boyfriend and fast. Clint Barton knows a guy who knows a guy.





	hello, i love you won’t you tell me your name

 

"No," Clint yelled from his seat up on the counter, staring down at a begging Bucky. "I don't care what you say or how you are it, I'm not going to go get tested for STDs with your whore ass!"

 

Bucky shot him a glare, but held his hands up in fake surrender. They had been arguing for an hour now, with no chance of stopping. Bucky was much more stubborn than Clint, so the odds were definitely in his favor. He just had to make an offer Clint couldn't refuse. "Fine. But don't expect me to left you any favors. Like let you come visit my house during the summer."

 

"You wouldn't dare take Snuggles away from me." Clint mirrored his narrowed eyes. Snuggles was Bucky's chihuahua that Clint was boderline scared of but still loved. Or, really, Bucky's mom's dog, as Bucky only saw his precious baby three times a year. Which wasn't enough to satisfy his Snuggles needs.

 

"Try me, bitch."

 

"You-" before Clint could finish his thoughts, Bucky's phone went off, so the adult perched on the counter settled for flipping him off.

 

He answered the phone with one hand and flicked him off back with the other. "Hey, Becca," Becca was short of Rebecca, which was short for Giant Pain in the Goddamn Ass. She was one of three of his sisters. Becca was two years behind his twenty-two, the oldest girl; Alice was the second oldest at the age seventeen; leaving Penny to be the youngest, being fifteen. 

 

Penny had been adopted into the family on her thirteenth birthday as a surprise after being fostered for a few weeks. Bucky doesn't like to bring it up because Penny has PTSD about everything that happened to her during her time at the orphanage and at foster care. From the bruises splotched all over her arms and down her legs when she first arrived, he guess it was physical abuse. And from her scrawny figure and the fact her eyes bulged out of her head the first time she saw the feast that is his mother's breakfast, definitely unhealthy eating habits. It made him mad that someone would do that to her, but judging by how independent and strong she was, he figured she wouldn't appreciate him going down the orphanage and giving everyone there a piece of his mind. So when he eventually calmed down, they bonded and now are as close as ever.

 

Clint gestured for him to turn it on speaker, so he did and immediately regretted it. "Hey! Question: are you bringing anyone home for Christmas? Because I am and I don't want to, like, make you uncomfortable or anything." Clint physically stiffened, but Bucky's subconscious  thought " _hey, let's not scar him by giving him the mental image of his best friend and his sister dating and ignore that_ ".

 

"Did you really just interrupt my very important day of doing nothing to tell me you have a boyfriend? Because, wow, low blow, Becks. Also, why would that make me uncomfortable?" He asked, shoving a plastic spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth. Clint, still on the counter for some reason, reached for the jar and he slid it over to him.

 

"Maybe I want to brag." He could picture her smile just from the mushy undertones of her words.

 

"Gross." He yelled around a mouthful of peanut butter.

 

"And," she continued like she hadn't heard his declaration. "Because you've never had a boyfriend and I don't want to rub it in your face."

 

"I've had a boyfriend and I still find it gross." The other man muttered. Bucky chose to ignore that too. Clint's sexuality was a mystery anyway. It wouldn't help to ask. He'd tried once, and it ended weirdly. He'd simply asked, "what's your sexuality?" and he'd replied, "yes".

 

"I've had a boyfriend before." He rolled his eyes at the over-exaggeration.

 

"Yeah?" Becca sounded amused now. "Like who?" Clint gave him the " _well_?" look.

 

"There was... um, ooh, there was..." yeah, okay. So maybe he'd never had a boyfriend. But he had plenty of fuckbuddies, and wasn't that enough? Clint snorted.

 

"Um, no, Bucky, that's not enough." Oh, shit, had he said that outloud? "You're missing out on so much. Like making food for each others, fun dates, post-sex cuddles-"

 

"NO! Please don't tell me about that!" Bucky shouted.

 

Becca just laughed. Clint snorted into the peanut butter. _Note to self_ , he thought, scrunching up his nose. _Do not eat anymore peanut butter for risk of eating bodily fluids_.

 

"Bucky," his sister was suddenly serious. "You're twenty two and have never had a serious relationship. Doesn't that make you sad?"

 

Bucky looked down, feeling ashamed. He knew he shouldn't be upset over his sister's stupid words, but he was. Did he want a serious relationship? Hell no. Does he want to fuck random strangers and never see them again? Yes. So why was he dissatisfied all of a sudden?

 

"I have had a serious relationship, Beck." He snapped. "I'm in one right now."

 

There was silence for a moment, before, "Really? I'm so happy for you, Bucky! You have to bring him home for Christmas! Who's the lucky guy?"

 

Shit. Shit shit shit.

 

"Yeah, Bucky," Clint grinned, biting his lip. "Who's the lucky guy?"

 

"Um. It's a surprise." He said weakly. There was no way he could find a boyfriend in less than two weeks to bring home. That was impossible. He hates most people and has literally one friend. Which is Clint, the giant asshole.

 

"Oh my god, I'm so excited!" She squealed. "Have you told Mom?"

 

"Not yet." Bucky said, close to frustration tears. He'd dug himself into a hole, and was now paying the price. He had to call his Mom. His mom who was going to absolutely shit when she heard that Bucky was bringing home a fella. His Mom who got happy over the smallest of things, who was now going to embarrass Bucky over and over again while he he was already mortified, smiling her sweet smile the whole time.

 

Clint was on the floor of the kitchen now, laughing uncontrollably. He'd fallen off the counter, cackling, when she'd asked if he'd called his mom, as he'd known Bucky's mom almost as long as Bucky has and everything she does. Bucky had an urge to kick him in the stomach.

 

"I have to go. Call Mom! I love you."

 

"Love you too." Bucky mumbled, feeling a headache coming on. "Bye." He hung up, stepped on Clint's stomach, and stalked off, throwing himself onto their old yellow couch. Clint stumbled into the living room moments later, clutching his stomach with a smirk stuck on his face

 

"I'm so coming to Christmas this year." He said wickedly.

 

"You only get to come to Christmas if you find me a boyfriend in the next two weeks." Bucky said, muffled by the pillows.

 

"Why don't you call your one night stands back?" Clint said. Bucky heard the spring of the leather chair and looked over. He was sitting upside down, not seeming fazed. His face wasn't red or anything.

 

He had a weird roommate.

 

"Because that's all they are. One night stands. I don't even like most of them. They just have really nice d-"

 

"NO!" Clint shouted. Bucky laughed into the couch cushion. "I'll find you a boyfriend if you never subject me to your weird ass gay shit."

 

"You're gay too, Barton."

 

"I never said I was gay. I just said I'd had a boyfriend."

 

"I- okay. Sure. Why not?" He wasn't exactly keen on knowing more about his best friend's sex life, so he dropped it.

 

"Anyway," Clint said brightly, sitting upright now. "There's a party going on Friday night, you interested, stud? Maybe you can pick up a fella."

 

To Clint's utter dismay, he'd picked up on Bucky's phrases and said some words with a slight twang nowadays. So did most people he hung around. Not that he hung around with many. And because he didn't really want to change that and just wanted to sit at home and wallow, he responded with a firm, "No. But thanks."

 

"You sure? I hear some really hot sorority girls are gonna be there. And some topless frat guys," he added. Bucky could almost see the saliva.

 

"I'm good. Have fun lusting over Natasha the whole time."

 

Clint clapped him on the back on his way to their room. "Thanks, man."

 

 

 

Bucky didn't account for a shitty Friday.

 

First, he spilt coffee all over his white shirt. Which, okay, it's a normal accident that's happened before and he had his sweatshirt so it was fine, but it still hurt like hell.

 

Secondly, he'd forgotten his whole ass textbook at home. Literally, the one thing he absolutely needed and yet he didn't fucking have it with him. A girl named Jane whipped out her extra copy (who the fuck buys copies of their textbooks? Not that he's complaining) and let him borrow it when she realized halfway through the class he didn't have one.

 

Thirdly, when he called his mom to tell him about his new boyfriend, she didn't believe him and dismissed him with a "hmm" and then had to go because Penny was trying and failing at baking cookies. They way she left him made him feel like she had no faith in his dating abilities, making him feel like total shit. Was he not lovable? Was there something fundamentally undatable about him?

 

Lastly and fourthly, when he got home, ready to drink away his sorrows and hopefully need a liver transplant by the end of the night so he could skip out on Christmas, there was no tequila or anything that had even the most remote trace of alcohol in their house.

 

Which is why, at the last minute, Bucky agreed to go to Clint's booze-filled party.

 

Which is how Bucky ended up alone at the bar in the penthouse of one Tony Stark, gesturing wildly for another bourbon. It was an open bar sort of event, thank god, and he was going to soak up as much alcohol as he could. Like he was a sponge with a gravitational pull towards bourbon. That was the best comparison his tipsy brain could think of.

 

He'd been there for two hours, had downed three glasses of bourbon, and had lost sight of Clint fifteen minutes in.

 

"Having a rough night?" A tentative voice from behind him asked, slipping into the stool to his left.

 

"Oh, yeah," he dragged out the oh.

 

"What's wrong?" The voice was gentle, and possibly a hallucination. Bucky didn't want to look up in case it was a hallucination, because the voice sounded like an angel's. So he kept his head down and the bendy straw in his mouth, sipping on his drink while he thought of a way to word his troubles.

 

When he couldn't find a way, he just said, "Name. I need-" he hiccuped painfully "I need your name before I can spill my troubles to a stranger."

 

"I'm Steve Rogers." The angel said.

 

"I'm-" Bucky had looked up and done a double take when he saw how positively hot the man in front of him was. He was, as his brain supplied oh-so-helpfully, thicc with a broad figure but a slim waistline. He blinked. Then whispered, "Well, fuck me in the asshole with a cactus."

 

"What?" The man frowned.

 

"I'm Bucky!" Bucky shouted, trying to erase the mortifying words he just said to the hot specimen in front of him. "Bucky Barnes."

 

"Well, Bucky, Bucky Barnes, can you tell me what's up now or..?"

 

"Ah, yes." Bucky said. "Um, well, it all started when my sister called me," he went on to describe in avid detail the horrors of yesterday. Steve just nodded, held back laughter at some things, but mostly just nodded.

 

"Why don't you just get a fake boyfriend?" Steve suggested out of the blue.

 

"Why? You offering?" Bucky teased, knocking back the rest of his bourbon.

 

"Maybe. What's in it for me?" Steve replied, sounding at ease, like this was a normal occurrence. It made Bucky grin.

 

"For starters, you get to kiss me in front of my parents." Steve laughed. "Free food, presents, lotta stupid Christmas traditions."

 

"What kind of Christmas traditions?" Steve asked, lifting an eyebrow.

 

"Eggnog and tequila pong, drunken pin the nose on the Rudolph, stuff like that." Bucky shrugged.

 

"I'm in." Steve smiled at him and Bucky absolutely _melted_.

 

"You're being serious?" Bucky tried not to let his hopes up, since this was too good to be true. A hot guy was going to be his fake boyfriend for two weeks in front of his parents and expected nothing in return. Where the fuck was he all Bucky's life?

 

"It's been a while since I've done anything so scandalous before," he drawled, and Bucky punched him. "Yeah, Bucky, I'll be your fake boyfriend. How long for?"

 

Not sure what else to say about it, he just said, "Two weeks. But we can leave early, if you want. It won't bother me. We'll probably want to get away from my sisters cooing over us." At his confused look, Bucky hurried to explain himself. "I've never had a boyfriend before, and they live for this kind of gay shit, y'know? They're super supportive and they just want me to be happy, so they weren't that exactly delighted when Clint gave them the slip that I hadn't been on any dates since college started."

 

"You haven't been on any dates since high school?" Steve repeated, sounding astonished. "That's been, what, four years ago? Almost five? I'm guessing you're around twenty three? Damn, Buck."

 

"Yeah," he laughed, shrugging away the clench in his stomach at the nickname. "It's not so bad, though. More me time, I guess."

 

"It drives you nuts to be bored, doesn't it?" Steve guessed, narrowing his eyes.

 

He laughed again. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

 

"You just seem like that kind of person." Steve shrugged. Bucky smiled and they fell into a comfortable silence while he thought of different ways to bring up the whole fake dating thing again just to be sure Steve wasn't going to back out because if he did, he'd be so goddamn screwed.

 

"I'm not gonna bail," Steve said unexpectedly. Bucky flinched at the sudden sound. "I wouldn't do that."

 

"Was I thinking out loud again?" Bucky groaned. He hated doing that, though he does it a lot. It usually happened on the things he felt strongly on. Almost like if he had enough emotion his brain built a shortcut to his mouth.

 

"No, I can read minds." Bucky punched the sarcastic asshole again. "Hey!"

 

"Hay is for horses, ya sly dog," Bucky teased, quoting something his mother once told him.

 

"Oh my god," Steve chuckled. "You shouldn't call your boyfriend that."

 

And if Bucky's heart was sent into overdrive and he blushed redder than a tomato after hearing that, then who has to know?

 

 

 

Over the next two weeks, they hung out a lot. A lot being nearly everyday. Before class, after class. At either of their apartments. Bucky even tagged along with him at the gym once and drooled over everyone's abs. During one hang out at Steve's apartment they decided on their stance on kissing.

 

"It's really not that big or a deal, Buck," Steve said as he flipped through one of his old sketchbooks. They both had one of Steve's, him looking through it interestedly while Steve pulled faces at older works that he claimed were "rough" but really looked perfect to Bucky. "People kiss all the time."

 

"But in front of my parents!" Bucky complained. "Won't it be weird? Kissing in front of your friend's parents? I mean, I've never kissed anyone in front of them, so it'd be my first time and our first kiss and-"

 

And then Steve's lips were on his, a brief touch that somehow left Bucky breathing heavily.

 

"Not weird." Steve concluded, grinning. Bucky nodded mutely, bringing his fingertips up to brush his bottom lip where Steve had planted a kiss.

 

_Not weird._


End file.
